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Rowza's Ridiculous Critical Thinking

Thoughts on the stupid things in life

Vitamin D
Vitamin D has helped so much! lol. I'm back to being myself again. I missed me :). After taking 4000 IU's of it every day, it's definitely working. I also went outside for about 45 minutes the other day, taking advantage of the 70 degree weather, which I'm glad I did since now we're back to the low 20's.

I tried going on a diet yesterday. Made it a whole day and a half - and then I saw the cookies on the stove... O.O... Oh well, better luck next time. At least I'm going to the gym in a little bit. That's always good, although I'm still sore from yesterday. I feel a whole lot better - not just in terms of my moods, but also about myself. I know I'm about to face a few challenges, but I'm happy that after those hurdles I will have my new life before me; the life I've always dreamed of will be *right there*. I couldn't be more excited.

Now I just need to figure out a way to get past these next few weeks. But something tells me I'm gonna make it ;)

How is one supposed to feel when her only friend is unsympathetic towards her feelings? When there is no one compassionate enough to say "I'm here for you". How do you feel when someone that's gone through it before says "I've been through worse. Get over it." How do you cope? How do you still smile at them, knowing that they once felt your pain and they don't care? How do you prove that you're worthy of that empathy? How do you prove you're not lying in exchange for attention? How do you not see yourself as a loser? What goes through your mind when realize you didn't understand people in the same situation you are now in? You think back at your perspective, and how you thought those things were so easy to get over - that they were just being big babies. How does it feel to feel weak? How does it feel to feel pathetic?

How does it feel to know that the person you need the most has left you alone - because you abandoned them first?

It feels like guilt... like I'm so sorry...

(no subject)
I wonder if anyone else uses crying as a means to gauge their happiness... I cry a lot these days. Every day, almost. To me, that means I'm unhappy - that something needs to be fixed. I also wonder if, like me, others struggle to pin-point what it is that is making them sad. It almost seems like everything makes me sad - I find it hard to dismiss rude or hurtful comments, or to ignore how they make me feel after a while.

Maybe it has to do with not having friends right now. Maybe I'm lonely? I don't know. Maybe I'm unhappy where I am, but I don't think so. Maybe it's all of my failed attempts to keep a smile on my face that get to me. I'm just so sad and don't understand why. Everything hurts my feelings, and all I want to do is hide and cry myself to sleep and see if when I open my eyes I will be better.

I also feel like I have no one to talk to about how I feel. The ones I do talk to, judge me, so I try not to anymore. It's hard though, keeping it inside. I just want to go away somewhere and be by myself... And maybe that's the problem - that I need to spend more time with myself figuring out what's wrong. I need to spend more time with myself. I don't tell myself that I'm mean, or that I'm moody. I don't tell myself I'm acting like a baby whenever I cry. I don't tell myself that I make me unhappy or that nobody remembers or cares about me. To be honest, I don't tell myself much at all (is that worse?)...

But I think writing helps. Letting it out helps. I just wish the screen could write back to me and tell me how to fix myself. I wish the screen could give me unbiased, nonjudgmental advice. I wish I had a friend to tell me everything is ok, even if it isn't. Honestly, I just need a friend.

101 Achievements in 1001 Days...
funny, crazy, psycho
Ok, so back in January I joined a group called , and its purpose is to help people like me get their goals met in a reasonable amount of time. I had a list of my 101 things, but I lost it, so I'm making a new one with my new (and old) goals in mind. Here's the one's a I have so far. I'll post the rest later.
Read the first 26Collapse )

Writer's Block: It's not easy being green
What have you done in the past day, month, or year to protect the environment? How often do you think about sustainability issues?

Hmmm... well, I recycle and have lights off whenever I don't need them. I buy products that are environmentally safe whenever I have the option to do so. I never EVER litter. And I support green causes as well (I helped cleaning the beach this year). I don't think that's much, but I'm sure that's more than what many other people do. I would love it if more people were "green". If more people do little things for our planet, we can make a big difference; a little can go a long way.

Right now I should be doing my homework; I finished reading my English essay yesterday, but I have a test tomorrow that I'm barely prepared for, as well as a chapter summary for my psychology class (I haven't read it...). Yet, I'm here, blogging on live journal, as if I had nothing better to do. Procrastination at it's best. But why is that?

Lately, I've been sleeping 4 hours a night, from 12 to 4 am; I fall asleep doing my homework, and wake up thinking: OMG! I Fell asleep!

Healthy? Not exactly. But does it get the job done? You better believe it. So, does that mean that for some individuals, leaving everything for the last minute can actually be an effective way to get things done? Or is it still a sorry excuse for bad time management? Maybe some people who do it just happen to be insomniacs that use night-time insomnia to their advantage - thus finishing homework 4 hours before it is due, after having 2 weeks to do so.

Whatever the reason, we do it. Continuously doing things right at the last minute. Some of us get away with it, and some... not so much. The point here is that it isn't a healthy practice and we all know it, but still do it. Is this considered irresponsible? Masochistic? Stupid?

We could actually give good thought to this and shed some light on all sorts of similar problems. Like smoking: we know it's bad for us and that nothing good comes of it, yet millions of people around the globe do it. What happened to our will-power? Smokers say they would quit, but its hard when you're hooked. Procrastinators say the same exact thing - we try (really, we do), but it's a hard habit to break.

So are we destined to procrastination? Will we someday have "Procrastinators Anonymous"? Therapies to stop procrastination? Prevention plans?

Who knows... but I do know that I have tons of homework that is due tomorrow, and here I am... blogging. This time, though, I will defeat procrastination. I will stop blogging and do my homework... right... now.

Writer's Block: Are women or men bigger cheats?
I'm pretty sure many people are more likely to cheat if they're certain that they won't get caught, because many people abstain from cheating for this reason alone. So yes, I think they are more likely to cheat.

About marriage, I do believe in it, as long as the couple really puts in the effort to make it work. With so many couple's counseling programs and family therapists lately, there's no reason for a marriage to fail.

Writer's Block: From A to Z
Anormal (spanish for not-normal)
Jodona (spanish word that describes someone who likes to bother others a lot, lol)
Tattooed (is that even a word?)

Writer's Block: A Bargain at Any Price
My dog, Abby... I found her at around Christmas time and she was cold outside, so I took her in. She's not an object, but I love her, and she didn't cost me a penny.

Writer's Block: Resolved
Well... I never really make new year's resolutions cause' I kinda know I'm not gonna make it happen. BUT, this year I made an exception and decided to just have ONE: I'm gonna work on my appearance a bit more this year. I'm an honor student in college and I'm involved in lots of organizations, so I barely have time for anything, and putting make-up on every morning is no exception. So yeah... I'm gonna try to fix that this year.